Saturday 2 October 2010

Malawi - A Conversation in a Cab

“So what’s the news Lawrence?” I ask as I get into the car.
“I’m getting engaged at the end of the month!”
I’m a little surprise. Only two weeks ago Lawrence had been telling me how upset he was that the father of his girlfriend had banned her from seeing him, even though she was pregnant.
“The girlfriend who is pregnant? So the father changed his mind then?”
“Nooo! This is a girl from my village.”
“Lawrence, that’s very quick!”
Assuming that engagement is as significant a thing in Malawi as it is in the UK, I ask “Are you sure it’s the right thing to do? Two weeks ago you were telling me you loved another girl!”
“Ah no, that is the past, I do not love her anymore.”
“Lawrence, are you thinking with your head or your groin?”
He bursts into laughter.

“How long will you be engaged before you marry?”
“Maybe two years.”
Lawrence tries to explain himself. “Me, I cannot be alone for long. I need a woman to look after me.”
“So do you need to be engaged to have sex and live together then?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you take it slower?”
“If I do not sex her, another man will sex her”
I have a hard time not laughing at the phrase ‘sex her’ but we move on.

He switches the focus of the conversation to me. “Do you want a relationship in Malawi? Do you like black women?”
“If I met the right person, yes. But for me it’s complicated. I think many women I meet in restaurants and bars look at me and see money.”
“Ah yes, you only find bitches in bars.”
“So that’s name for women looking for men with money?”
“Ah, yes. But you must buy things for all women.”
I’ve been in Africa long enough to know the answer to the question but I ask anyway, “Why?”
“Because you must!”
“So the woman gets clothes and jewellery from the man. What does the man get?” I know where this is going.
“Sex of course!!!”
“But doesn’t the woman 'get sex' too? Doesn’t she enjoy sex too?”
He’s laughing and shaking his head at me in disbelief.

I move the conversation on and immediately regret it. “So at what age do most people in Malawi start to have sex?”
“14, 15 years old. Even me, I like 14, 15 year old girls and I am 31.”
I’m a little taken back that he’s so upfront about this. In some countries in Africa it's common but the sentences for this and community outcry are so severe it’s not something you’d admit to. “But that’s illegal and exploitative Lawrence!”
Dismissive and not in the least bit phased he replies, “Noooo, many men like 14, 15 year old girls like I do!”
“That doesn’t make it right!”

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